these days

These days, I feel more like my old self--prior to getting pregnant and giving birth to Sebastian. What this really means is...I work a lot. I have two people to thank for being able to get back the "old self": my mother and Dawei.

Since the beginning of the spring semester, I decided to try out a new way to raise Sebastian. I decided to pull him out of the daycare, and asked my mother to help me when I need time to focus on work. On days when I don't need to teach, I dreamed of working in the same house as my mother and child. But for young Sebastian, all he sees was a mother who is facing the notebook screen rather than him. When I am there he can't leave me alone. When I am away, my mother says he tries to imitate me punching away on the keyboard.

But young Sebastian is growing bigger and more mature day by day. He responds to questions (Would you like to go out to the park?) and makes demands (like choosing his animal song DVD rather than w-inds concert DVD). He says "please" more readily than before. He can gently put down his water bottle on the table now. He can utter all the syllables of "ba-na-na" now compared to "na-na" for a long time. With the word "triangle," he still just says "angle." He will look for the missing green crayon when I pose the question, "where is the green crayon." Well, it's still missing. He enjoys lip-synching (almost) the ABC song, especially the India Arie/Elmo version on Sesame Street. He can't get enough of drawing with crayons.

I don't think I am my old self. And I still wish I could spend more time with him and be more energetic around him. For now, I am grateful and will be prepared to be flexible.